Your Guide to Dating and Relationships

Have you ever felt sick of being single? Finding the one can be a challenging journey, and if it persists, the search for love can be frustrating, at times, leading to burnout.

It can be easy to forget the purpose of dating all together, when the focus becomes so concentrated on finding someone who will love and accept you, and more urgently, will ease the pain of being lonely. But in the midst of this search, it’s important to ask yourself, what is the ultimate goal? Feeling loved and appreciated by someone is wonderful, but what does this person have to offer you? Are they worthy of receiving your love, attention and affection and appreciating who you really are? What do they bring to the relationship? Committing to a partner who says they love you, but does not fulfill your needs, show you proper respect or appreciate all the unique qualities you have is not someone who is worthy of your love and attention. Trying to make a relationship work by sacrificing what is important to you, will not make you any less lonely.

Now, I know what you’re saying. Not everyone is better after divorce. Not everyone is stronger or wiser. And some people are jaded. I know. We’re only human, after all. My point is, as a general rule, divorce has a bad rep. It’s stigmatized. And the idea of dating a divorcee, comes with its preconceived notions.

As difficult and traumatic as divorce can be, it can also be a great opportunity to learn amazing things about yourself, branch out into new opportunities, bask in your new-found freedom and rejoice in your new chance to find true love and happiness.

You can choose to present yourself to others as damaged and broken, or you can open other people’s’ eyes to what divorce can actually look like-smarter, stronger, happier and a lot more to offer.

Remember - the most important rule of dating is to always be yourself! Being deeply valued for who you are as a person is crucial for any healthy relationship. If you change your personality for your date and the relationship works out, you end up with what I call a "counterfeit chemistry", a false connection based on dishonesty that is impossible to maintain. "Your person" will love you for all that you are.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to me! I am one email or DM away!

Until next time,

Anna Sherman, RP, MFT

How to Remain Strong After a Difficult Divorce.

A divorce can leave you broken and defeated or empowered and authentic?

Which one will you choose?

Divorce may mean the end of your married but it is NOT, and I repeat, NOT, the end of your life. When one door closes, another door opens, and a whole new opportunity awaits you right around the corner!

Yes, your divorce may have been traumatic. Yes, you may have had to give up your dream home. Yes, you had to give up your status as a "wife" and "married person." Yes, you may have even had to say goodbye to some mutual friends.

But.... the one thing you will not have to give up on is YOU! And you are the most important thing of all 💗 💗

Let's clarify something here and scream it from the rooftops.

Getting divorced does NOT mean you you are:

❌ A bad spouse or parent.

❌ Taking the easy way out.

❌ A failure.

❌ A victim.

❌ An embarrassment

Getting divorced DOES mean that you are:

✔️ Deserving of more.

✔️ Capable of responsibility.

✔️ Strong & Resilient

✔️ Confident

✔️ Enough

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There is always HOPE!

Sometimes people with the worst pasts end up creating the best futures!

I am no stranger to divorce.

Pictures left and right: Me, 8 months post-divorce, living my best life in Israel, working a great job, hanging with amazing friends and feeling truly empowered.

Middle picture: This past fall, 10 years married to my best friend, who inspires me to be a better version of myself every single day.

After my divorce, I made a decision. Even though I felt broken, defeated and just plain burnt out, I decided that going forward, I would live my life in a truly authentic way. I would no longer feel ashamed of who I was or try to hide the imperfect parts of myself.

I no longer cared about what others thought about me and was no longer afraid to share my opinions, for fear of being criticized or shut down.

Yes, my failed marriage may have left me emotionally depleted, but after surviving a marriage where I was controlled, abused, criticized and berated for just being ME, it was enough to make me give up on trying to please others and simply live a life that was meaningful and intentional.

Every day became a valuable experience of slowly rebuilding my strength, energy and confidence..... I may have been hurt but I was not broken.

The more I lived my life with authenticity and intention, the more empowered I became, and the more I seemed to attract the right people into my life- healthy, supportive and empowering friends.

When I met my now-husband, he was able to see me for who I truly am, in my entirety; take me or leave me. Here we are, 11 years later; real people with a real marriage, living authentic, imperfect, messy, empowering and intentional lives.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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ANNA SHERMAN'S TOP 5 DIVORCE RESOURCES

You are going to want to screenshot this one!

1. Sister to Sister - is a comprehensive resource and support network for Jewish divorced women. Since 2005, they have helped more than 1000 women and 2500 children get through the pain of divorce.

2. Survive Divorce - is an online community full of great resources and actionable advice covering all facets of divorce. Money, kids, emotional support, legal stuff and the list goes on. Whether you're looking for information, inspiration or community... Survive Divorce has got you covered!

3. Divorcedmoms.com - is an online website just for divorced women. It is filled with information, resources and stories from other women who have been in the same boat as you. They offer a curated social media platform and help women worldwide survive divorce and rebuild their lives.

4. The Divorce Angels - online resources and recommendations to help you transition through your divorce. The site is filled with blogs, forums, online chats, legal advice and vetted professionals.

5. THERAPY - I can't stress this enough! Make sure you have someone you can talk to and help guide you through this major life transition. Working with a therapist can help provide a rational perspective and help you to process those negative emotions. If you're interested in learning how to heal from divorce and navigate those unknown waters, book an appointment with me today right here.

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Divorce can change who you are. It can shake you to your core. But what is most important to remember is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Don't hesitate to reach out to me. I am one email or DM away. I would love to hear your story. You are part of my community and I care about you.

Until next time!

- Anna Sherman, RP, MFT

Friendships with Sara Meckler

One of the best relationships in life is a friend.

When you're spending time with a friend, especially one you’ve had for many years, you never really expect things to change. You think you’ll get engaged, married and have kids all at the same time. Especially in a tight-knit community like the Orthodox Jewish one.

But before you know it, things can start looking a little different and conversations start to change.

Best Friend's

How do you keep in touch if you and your friend are at totally different stages of your life, like newlywed vs. single?

Something that has helped me throughout the years is to be mindful of what you share and who you're sharing it with. If you know your friend is having a hard time getting pregnant, maybe it’s not the best idea to talk about your kids the whole time you're together.

Don’t get me wrong; of course, you can share your thoughts and experiences with your friends, that’s why they’re your friends. Just keep that small reminder at the back of your head that what you're going through might not be what your friend needs to hear at this moment.

Another very common question is:

what should you do if you're the only one reaching out to make plans and the effort is never reciprocated?

An important comment Anna Sherman made during our Instagram live (If you haven't seen it yet, click here to watch!) was that your friend might view your friendship differently than you. In her eyes, being friendly and texting you back is her normal, but it means something totally different to you.

Part of being a good friend is calling and checking-in because friendships should be reciprocal. Unfortunately, not all friendships are like that; sometimes you give and give but don’t get the same in return. That’s when it might be time to think about what that friendship represents to you, and if it’s worth it putting in all the effort.

You must set boundaries for yourself. There are some friendships that my husband and I decided are a big NO because we weren't feeling the vibe or it was just plain inappropriate.

At the end of the day, choose people that make you feel good, that you enjoy having around, and vice versa. Be there for your friends. Acknowledge that things do change but there’s always a way to have a good friend in your life.

Wishing all my friends a very happy holiday season!

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Sara Schlam Meckler

Sara is a young mother of two living in Toronto. She has an active account on Instagram @saraschlam all about fashion, motherhood and everyday life.

**If you want to get in touch with Sara, reach out to her on Instagram @saraschlam.

If you would like to appear as a guest blogger, contact me right here!