On Forgiveness and Boundaries with Family

Peace can be made with our fears by exercising radical acceptance and surrendering to that which we cannot change. 💜

Remember that forgiveness is more for ourselves than for the people who have wronged us.

Granting forgiveness allows us to release the anger and pain from within us and continue to evolve in our personal growth. 💜

Remember that just because we choose to grant someone forgiveness, does not mean we must allow them back into our lives. Boundaries are also a catalyst for healing. 💜

We can allow ourselves the time and space to come to a place within ourselves where we have grieved and processed our pain to the point where we are ready to heal. Take all the time you need. 💜

Not everyone has the skills to exercise empathy or understanding and not everyone can see past their own personal needs. Treat these people with grace, as it is not their fault that they are lacking in emotional depth. 💜

Remember that if we have wronged or hurt someone else, it is OUR responsibility to humble ourselves, apologize and extend the olive branch, not the other’s responsibility to remind us to do so. 💜

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In light of the Jewish Holiday season, and Thanksgiving coming up - many of us are struggling with the challenge of finding the balance between quality family time and healthy family boundaries. Setting boundaries with your family can be tough - so here are some prompts to help you!

1. “Thank you for your input, I am going to do it the way I feel comfortable with.”

2. “We have asked you not to bring up ______ before. I really need you to respect that.”

3. “I know you mean the best but talking about _____ makes me uncomfortable. Let's change the subject.”

How do you set boundaries with your family? What ways are helpful to you?

Sensitive Situations and Sexuality

Do you ever find yourself feeling pressured to answer a question you really aren’t comfortable with?

Sometimes, we feel obligated to explain ourselves to whomever chooses to question us on our life’s circumstances. It’s almost a knee-jerk reaction to defend ourselves or explain things that may appear questionable…

Truthfully though, personal questions are called that for a reason- they’re personal! And anything that is personal, automaticity means that you have no obligation to share information unless you choose to do so.

The next time someone asks something you’re not entirely comfortable addressing, think twice before answering. There are many things you can respond with that can redirect the conversation elsewhere.

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“ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕕𝕤 𝕕𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕖𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗𝕚𝕤𝕙, 𝕠𝕣 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕗𝕦𝕝. 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕒𝕤 𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕒𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕟𝕖𝕣’𝕤 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖.” - 𝔸𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕊𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕟, ℝℙ There is a difference between self-ish and self-care.

Being needy and having needs. Communicating your needs does not make you a selfish or needy person; it simply communicates the idea that you’re one full half of a relationship, and in order to give fully to your other half, you need to be seen, considered and respected. We cannot pour from an empty cup! Since intimacy is about the connection between two people, it’s not a whole lot of fun to engage in intimacy with a partner who is not receptive or enjoying themselves. So communicating your intimate needs is beneficial to both of you! The better the communication, the deeper the connection.

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So many women are taught unhealthy messages about sexuality. Here are a few of them:

1. Men enjoy sex more than women

2. If you don't give your husband sex, he will cheat

3. Men don't like it when…

4. Men find submissive women more desirable

5. “Good girls” don't talk about sex

6. Always follow your husbands lead

Were you taught any of these growing up? What messages did you receive?

What is Intergenerational & Religious Trauma?

Many of the behaviours and triggers we experience in our lives and in our families are a result of the traumatic patterns passed down from generation to generation in our families.

Certain events or occurrences may be triggering for us because of what our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents experienced and how they dealt with it. Families may feel that “love conquers all,” or that as a family, “we can get through anything together.” While these are nice concepts, intergenerational trauma never gets addressed and patterns never get broken unless they are dealt with directly.

Intergenerational trauma affects all of us, but we all have a choice of how we choose to deal with it. Intergenerational trauma can end with you.

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Increasing your religious observance will not solve your anxiety, your depression or your relationships. The solution to your emotional conflicts lies within yourself.”-Anna Sherman, RP

Have you ever been told that turning to your faith will bring you emotional respite? That an increase in observance will bring you peace of mind?

Sometimes when people are struggling, they assume that taking on new religious commitments will help them recover from their anxieties, fears or traumas.

Growing within your faith can be a very enriching experience, if approached for the right reasons.

However, relying on your faith to solve your emotional struggles will leave you coming up empty-handed and disappointed. Mental health struggles actually have nothing to do with faith in G-d!

While many people may blame anxiety, depression and fear on the lack of effort you make in your faith, in reality, we can't control the tendencies your brain has by praying harder or taking on more religious commitments.

So if religious conviction works for you, go for it. But don't use it to treat your mental health, because it is essentially unrelated.