Have you ever felt sick of being single? Finding the one can be a challenging journey, and if it persists, the search for love can be frustrating, at times, leading to burnout.
It can be easy to forget the purpose of dating all together, when the focus becomes so concentrated on finding someone who will love and accept you, and more urgently, will ease the pain of being lonely. But in the midst of this search, it’s important to ask yourself, what is the ultimate goal? Feeling loved and appreciated by someone is wonderful, but what does this person have to offer you? Are they worthy of receiving your love, attention and affection and appreciating who you really are? What do they bring to the relationship? Committing to a partner who says they love you, but does not fulfill your needs, show you proper respect or appreciate all the unique qualities you have is not someone who is worthy of your love and attention. Trying to make a relationship work by sacrificing what is important to you, will not make you any less lonely.
Now, I know what you’re saying. Not everyone is better after divorce. Not everyone is stronger or wiser. And some people are jaded. I know. We’re only human, after all. My point is, as a general rule, divorce has a bad rep. It’s stigmatized. And the idea of dating a divorcee, comes with its preconceived notions.
As difficult and traumatic as divorce can be, it can also be a great opportunity to learn amazing things about yourself, branch out into new opportunities, bask in your new-found freedom and rejoice in your new chance to find true love and happiness.
You can choose to present yourself to others as damaged and broken, or you can open other people’s’ eyes to what divorce can actually look like-smarter, stronger, happier and a lot more to offer.
Remember - the most important rule of dating is to always be yourself! Being deeply valued for who you are as a person is crucial for any healthy relationship. If you change your personality for your date and the relationship works out, you end up with what I call a "counterfeit chemistry", a false connection based on dishonesty that is impossible to maintain. "Your person" will love you for all that you are.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to me! I am one email or DM away!
Until next time,
Anna Sherman, RP, MFT